Douchebag Bingo

Our world is under attack from a menancing plague. Douchebags are taking over our society. You see them everywhere, the club, the beach, the mall. You even see them at the gas station and the grocery store and the DMV. They are inescapable.

The best way to deal with this menace? By mocking of course. As best done by the genius behind www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com. Taking this inspiration I have created the ultimate in people watching games.

DOUCHEBAG BINGO


There are many ways to play:
1. Simple people watching way. Spot a 'bag, cross him off your card. You may only use one bag for one trait. See a dude with frosted tips and a popped collar? Only counts for one or the other. Strategy is key here.

2. Photo Hunt! Find a bag and convince him to have his picture taken with you. This is the ultimate bachelorette party game as this is easiest completed by hot chicks. Again one bag per trait. Key here is to not let the dbag in on exactly why you want a picture of him showing his abs. Dbags do not possess the trait of self-awareness. If they did, they wouldn't allow themselves to devolve into such baggery.

It is easy and fun for the whole family.
Happy Bag Hunting!

Observations in Awesomeness: The Swayze Centaur Tattoo

There are many brave, intrepid souls which grace society with things that can't but help to be described as awesome. Or are so awesomely bad that they defy all logic. Observations in Awesomeness is our attempt to better understand and examine all that is mind-blowing in this world.

Observations in Awesomeness: The Swayze Centaur Tattoo

This is perhaps the greatest tattoo in the history of tattoos. The imagination and inspiration behind the creation of this masterpiece is something to behold. Let's take a closer look at some of the subtle context within.

1. Swayze is depicted as a centaur, which has all four hooves firmly planted on the ground. Much like the protocol of statues of fallen generals this is to signify that Swayze is still alive and kicking cancer be damned.

2. Swayze is depicted in his Chippendale's outfit from the classic Saturday Night Live skit co-starring Chris Farley. This is a bold call, brazenly ignoring Road House Swayze, Point Break Swayze, Outsiders Swayze and Red Dawn Swayze. Big points for avoiding Ghost Swayze and Dirty Dancing Swayze, neither of which would have been conducive to an imposing centaur.

3. Purple storm clouds lurk in the background. Yet there are also two rainbows in the sky. Since rainbows occur after storms pass through, we can see that our stoic centaur (minus some windblown hair) has stood strong upon the rocky black landscape through the horrid onslaught of the storm.

All told this is probably the most unusual and original tattoo I think I have ever seen. Which begged the question, what would it take to top this in the areas of artwork, originality, celebrity and creativity.

This is the most ridiculous response I could come up with:
New Kids on the Block (the originals, not the reunion tour version) are all riding unicorns. Bareback. Shirtless under red velvet vests with white leather fringe like out of some horrid spaghetti western get-up. And these aren't just any unicorns. They are pink, steroid-enhanced unicorns who look like they've been injected with the lifetime supply stash of Barry Bonds. And they are breathing fire and their hooves are shooting lightning bolts of sparks as they gallop across the fields of clovers. All of this of course is fleeing from a bank of blood red storm clouds and a giant tornado throwing houses, debris and transvestite hookers across the countryside.

Too much? Maybe. But its the best my little, warped, twisted imagination could come up with. Ridiculousness

Redeeming Qualities: Mondays

There are certain things in this world which would totally suck if not for a few saving graces. This is an examination of those redeeming qualities which make them just rather suck.

Mondays

1. Having to go back to work sucks. But this means you at least are employed and thus, theoretically, are making money.

2. More attractive women at the grocery store.

3. Dr. Bone wears a tie to work on Mondays. This means it is the best he will look all week.

4. Has a legitimate excuse to suck, unlike any other day of the week, especially Tuesday.

Observations of Awesomeness: Electric Grill in Pool

There are many brave, intrepid souls which grace society with things that can't but help to be described as awesome. Or are so awesomely bad that they defy all logic. Observations in Awesomeness is our attempt to better understand and examine all that is mind-blowing in this world.

Observations in Awesomeness: The Electric Grill in Above-Ground Pool

These creative gentlemen decided to have themselves a party and barbecue in their pool and attempt to even out their farmer tans. As Mitch Hedberg best said it "You know why commercials for above-ground pools only last thirty seconds? Because that is all the more time you can have fun in an above-ground pool." And so they engineered themselves a grill to do enhance their pooling fun. Which is awesome in principle and in their utility to get things to function (such as the floating flip flops supporting the power outlet). This is inherently an awesome idea for a bitchin good time. But upon further investigation there are a few flaws with this plan.

1. The grill is located in the geographic center of the pool. This allows for all parties to have great access to the table. This also causes the power cords to stretch into the pool.

2. The floating power strip. Perilously hovering above the water which can infiltrate and fry the circuits (unless it was a waterproof power strip. Which would be baller to have I suppose). This prevents the pool party goers from making too much for sudden movements which might cause waves, disrupting the floating of the powerstrip and potentially threatening the life source for grilling. Or, pending its voltage, the life source of anyone in the pool itself.

3. The power strip's presence limits movement around its region of the pool. One must either step over, or swim under it in order to avoid the aforementioned incident in #2. Both are not best to be required to do when drinking is involved. This limits the amount of people who can safely attend this party without being disruptive. Which is probably why there were only at most four people there. Also, the door to the pool area can't be left open for future party goers to walk right on through as the doorstop is taped to the electrical cord at the pool's edge.

4. Those sure look like fancy beers there. This is allowed if A) These people are not American or B) They are hipsters drinking import beer during said pool party to be ironic. If you are going to go out and BBQ within your above ground pool you are acknowledging that you aren't exactly participating in one of the classiest hobbies in American society. So why drink fancy beer? If you are going to embrace your inner White-trash self, go all out. And why bottles? Thats a brick sidewalk and someone's shoes are floating in the pool serving an important safety purpose. One broken bottle on the ground and some shoeless drunk is going to the hospital with severe cuts to the feet.

And that's why we can't have nice things.

Redeeming Qualities: LA

There are certain things in this world which would totally suck if not for a few saving graces. This is an examination of those redeeming qualities which make them just rather suck.

LOS ANGELES, CA

1. Warm sun, no humidity.

2. In-N-Out Burger

3. Hot chicks in tank tops and tight jeans or short-shorts.